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This blog is written by a blogger and YouTuber, a university student currently living in Kyoto and Rome, about studying abroad in Italy and other thoughts and feelings.
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Questo è il blog di una studentessa universitaria, blogger e YouTuber che vive a Kyoto e a Roma, che scrive della sua vita da studentessa in Italia e di altre cose che sente.

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Seven things that only people who have thought about suicide can sympathize with

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corn fields under white clouds with blue sky during daytime psicologia - 心理学 - psycology
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“Ordinary humans” don’t want to die first of all, and even if they do, it’s just an exaggeration or an emotion that goes by in a blink of an eye. For example, if you are hungry, you can avoid hunger by eating rice. In the same way, some people sometimes describe it as passing by in an instant.
But first of all, the dangers of serious suicide do not last a lifetime. Just as you had a healthy time, that time will definitely come again-unless you give up on living. It may sound pretty, but just as there are no areas that are sunny all year round, there are no areas that are full of candy all year round. However, even if you say that, you may think, “This rain is so painful and painful that it can’t be helped.” That’s why the phrase “there’s no endless rain” sounds beautiful.
In this article, for those who are thinking about suicide, and for those who aren’t, but want to understand them, what are the thoughts of those who are actually thinking about suicide? I will write it as my personal opinion.

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1 People who commit suicide by train look like “general office workers” around them.

When I tell a healthy Italian that “in Japan, there are people who jump into the train and die”, I am quite surprised. It may simply be because, for some Italians, railroads are not as lifeline as Japan. However, they simply didn’t even think that such a method of suicide existed in the world.
It is often said that there is no data such as papers, but this is known. People who jump into the train are wearing suits and preparing for work in their bags. From the perspective of others, they can only be seen as office workers heading to work. For example, if they had a pale face, couldn’t even walk, were wearing pajamas, and their hair was clearly dirty, they could realize that “this person may be dying.” However, the majority of people actually try to commit suicide in such a situation.
Why is that? This is explained in the next item.

2 The feeling of being sucked into the train

When I was in high school, I used to use the train to go to school. Unfortunately, the express train doesn’t stop at the nearest station to the school. In order to commit suicide, you need to be run over by a train, so it is more convenient to have a station where the limited express does not stop.
And I also had the feeling of being sucked into the train. Before thinking, “I want to die, I can’t stand it anymore”, “No, if I die here, it will cause trouble to people around me”, “I have such a goal, so I have to work harder for that”. And, as a sensation, I’m sucked into the train.
It’s hard to compare, but it might be easier to think of it as if someone who is addicted to a smartphone is touching a smartphone when they notice it. Another example is checking for urgent emails when you get to work without thinking too much. A better example is when you pass in front of your favorite store, you enter the store without thinking, and when you notice it, you’re done shopping.
Therefore, in reality, there may be a slight time lag between the time when you are seriously thinking about how to commit suicide and the time when you take action. Of course, it depends on the person and cannot be generalized.

3 Look at the cable to charge your smartphone and want to die

When things really went wrong, even the cable to charge the smartphone seemed like a means of suicide. For example, going to a furniture store to buy a rope because I want to hang my neck is no longer a planned thing. I take action without thinking. Not everyone did that, but I just thought, “I had the right tools here.”
While I was in the hospital, there was a nurse call right next to my bed, which was about 1 meter long. Watching the cord hang down from the ceiling, I noticed it and used it to strangle. It was a double room, so I’m here now because the person in the room immediately made a nurse call.
It makes me think that every tool was designed to die.

4 A shower for a suicidal person is the same as a healthy person doing 10 hours of physical labor a day.

Wanting to die uses more energy than you can imagine. So, from the perspective of others, you might ask, “You just slept today? What makes you so tired?”, But that’s the person’s best. It’s hard to even breathe, and eating is no longer as hard as being asked to climb Gran Sasso.
The most difficult thing for us is the shower. Get up from bed, take off your clothes, take a shower, wash your body and hair, wipe your wet body, dry your hair with a hair dryer, change your clothes … It can be said that what we do these tasks is the same as a healthy person doing 10 hours of manual labor.

5 I can’t see any options other than suicide

This is a well-known term in suicide psychology and psychiatry, but there is a phenomenon called “psychological tunnel vision.”
For example, let’s say you suddenly have a debt of 10,000 euros. If you are a healthy person, you can think, “If you work hard for three years, you may be able to return it”, “Go to consumer finance and borrow money”, or “If you start a new business, you will be able to return it immediately”. Probably.
But for those who are thinking of suicide, they can’t even think of those options, let alone think of them, and think, “If I die, all this problem will be solved. There is no other way.” Even though the above example is a “solution”, it disappears.

6 No one is qualified to say, “Why do you die for that?”

For example, if there is news that a junior high school student committed suicide after being bullied, a healthy person would say, “It’s foolish to waste (die) an important life by being bullied at school. Did you do that? “
However, as mentioned above, they think that suicide is the only way to get out of bullying. Sometimes you may think that “bullying at school” is “denying your existence and your right to live.”
I don’t think the advice “If school is hard, you shouldn’t go to school, there are many schools” isn’t malicious, but for that reason, it’s only perceived as shit that doesn’t make sense to the parties. There is also the possibility.
Also, for example, if someone doesn’t think about being bullied, you might think, “I don’t mind being bullied,” but it’s an unbearable pain for some. Conversely, being a victim of a disaster may seem trivial to the person being bullied, but it may be unbearable for another.
It goes without saying that some people can tolerate the same pain and others cannot. It’s the same whether it’s spiritual or not.

7 Two reasons why it is impossible to say, “If you want to commit suicide, die alone without bothering anyone.”

The first reason is that it is impossible to die by one person, whether it is suicide, homicide or illness. In addition to disposing of the corpse, if it is found alive, you will receive medical treatment, you will have to hold a funeral, and in Japan you will need to be cremated. However, those things cannot be done by one person alone. Even if you die in an empty space, someone will find it, and you will end up having someone do the trouble. Even when we are alive, if we get sick, we go to the doctor, eat the food prepared by farmers, and use the infrastructure such as water and electricity, so we cannot even live alone. ..
Next, as mentioned above, there are few people who commit suicide thinking about such things as “let’s die without causing trouble” or “let’s cause more trouble”. You may be taking action when you realize it, or you may not be able to think of anything before you take action.

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